Re-entry sure is hard

I mentioned that Jason and I went to a marriage conference last weekend. We drove down to Florida and had two nights in a beautiful St. Augustine resort while attending the conference. Saturday night is the scheduled date night. We drove into St. Augustine and walked around in the shops, had dinner at one of those really cool hole-in-the-wall but yummy restaurants, and just enjoyed being together.



The conference itself was wonderful. It was a Family Life Weekend to Remember event. We attended one about 8 years ago. Both times were good but this one was more intense for us. I won't share details here, but I'll just say it was needed and very valuable for us. I highly recommend it for ANY married couple, no matter how long you have been married and no matter the condition of your marriage. I have wanted to blog about it, but I have decided that it was just too personal and I want to keep it between my beloved and myself. Anything I would feel comfortable sharing can be found on the Family Life website...great speakers, names of sessions, etc.



We got home around 9:00PM on Sunday night. We came home to our sweet, sweet girls and were so happy to see them. But the older two had sunburns and Rachel was running a fever. She continued to be sick until Tuesday night. Betsie was clingy and whiney and needed a day or so to re-attach to us. Mary Evelyn was so sweet and gave us a welcome home picture she had made and some applejacks (she said she knew the drive would make us hungry...LOL!), but by Monday morning we were battling a bit. Mary Evelyn was not remembering what it means to honor us as her parents and I confess it was pretty hard to keep my cool a few times. By Tuesday night I decided she and I needed to do something fun together. So I took her to a movie and things have been a lot better since. (not perfect, but better) By the way, I loved Kung Fu Panda...and I am not always a kid movie fan!



Rachel is better but now I am sick. Jason was sweet enough to make sure everyone had breakfast and was settled before he went to work this morning. Plus he made me some hot tea to soothe my raw throat before he left. I do love that man! I think I just have a cold, but colds seem to feel worse the older I get so I am resting a lot...at least until we have to be at swimming lessons this afternoon.



So we are back in the trenches but trying to apply the lessons learned and the old reminders we were given this weekend. I am thankful for the time we had together, for a husband who initiated the whole trip because he is committed to our oneness, and for parents who are willing babysitters. And I am thankful that God is with us in real life.

Yesterday My House Was So Clean

You may remember that Jason gave me the gift of house cleaning service for Christmas. Well, the cleaning people came yesterday and the house looked really nice. I always pick up really well before they come so they can vacuum and dust and mop and do the big stuff. Well, this afternoon I have been in my bedroom planning upcoming birthday celebrations and when I came out, this is what I found.

Big.
Heavy.
Sigh.

The girls made a road out of MANY children's books. But that is only the beginning of this HUGE MESS! (Yes, I am yelling.) The road is also partially lined with all kind of buildings (farms, dollhouses, and other toys I now regret purchasing) and even GRASS from outside. Did I mention the cleaning people vacuumed yesterday? The town started in their bedroom, pictured above, and then went down the hall...

...and into the schoolroom...

...in front of the couch... (That black line is the dog's leash tied in a knot between two chairs. I have no idea why.)

...all the way around and then behind the couch. See that towel with the bowl and toy dolphin sticking out? There's water in there. That must be the zoo or Seaworld or something. At least they put down a towel.

Now, the lovely part is that I had these books somewhat organized on the shelves. Not perfectly, but I could find most any book I needed. Some go in our book basket for school time. Some are LIBRARY BOOKS (that will hopefully NOT be mixed in with the others or I know two girls who will be working hard to pay off some fines), some are books from their bedroom, etc. Fortunately Betsie is asleep so the books in her room are still there.

I know this is cute and creative. If this were your blog, I would be laughing. If this were 5 years ago, I would be laughing. But it's now and it's my house, and I have to be the bad guy at clean up time. And this is one job that I will definitely have to supervise closely to make sure the books end up in the proper place. Someone please tell me that this is a short season and I should enjoy it. And then tell me whether or not it's worth it to pay people to clean my house when it doesn't stay clean for even 24 hours.

Okay...there, I took out my frustration on you and my kids are still happy. At least they like books, right?

She's On the Charts!

Yippee!!! Betsie is now on the growth charts! When she came home she was so tiny and under the charts. She is still only 21 pounds at 2 years and 4 months old, but she made it to almost the 5th percentile! Go girl! She is actually at the 25th percentile for height. The doctor predicts she'll be 5'4". Pretty cool. What a blessing that she is so healthy and growing so well. (Even though she is mad and telling us, "No doccuh!!!" meaning no doctor.)

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And I am blessed that Jason took her for me during his lunch time so I didn't have to take all three kids together to this appointment. I keep telling him thank you, but I don't think I can adequately tell him how that blessed me today. He is the bestest husband there is!!!

"Adoption", Another Disguise of God's Hand at Work

I asked Jason to guest blog for me since it is Adoption Awareness Month. I thought it might be kind of neat to hear a different perspective for a change! I joke that if had all been up to me, we'd still be doing the homestudy. Jason was Mr. Steady during the whole process and it was Jason that made things happen so efficiently (if efficient can ever be used to describe an adoption). Betsie adores her Daddy and he adores her.

God is never doing just one thing. And adoption is no exception.

When God started dealing with me on adoption, He began His awesome work in many other areas of my life, as well as my wife's life, my children's lives, my new daughter's life, my extended family's lives, etc..... and on and on and on.....

This time, God used the process of "Adoption" to change His people. You see, that is what He is always working on.... change in His people. Sometimes it's a little painful, and sometimes the changes come easy. But change must happen.

He forced me to overcome my selfish desires to keep my lifestyle easy. My other two daughters were growing up, and I liked moving out of the potty-training era. Our kids were finally able to feed and clothe themselves. I liked that. But He told me to start over. It was the best thing for my new daughter... but He was also working on me (He just disguised the work through "Adoption").

And He dealt with my wife on trust. Can we do this? Can we afford it? And the questions got worse the longer we had to wait on our new daughter to arrive. What's wrong with our application? Are we really going to ever get our new daughter?

And, honestly, I don't feel like I've really grown like He wanted me to. But when I look back 5 years ago when God started this "disguised" work, I can say, "I'm not who I was". Jennifer and I can both say that! What a glorious thing that our Father pursues our change... ultimately, for our good! He is so good!

What about you? He's changing you anyway, why not let Him change you through a process called "Adoption?" It's not any scarier than the medical issues you are facing, or the financial issues you are facing, or the fear issues, or the pride issues, or the trust issues, or the covetous issues... you get the point.


And when you are done, you get a beautiful new child to love on - that's the cool part!

God Bless,
Jason

The Mandatory Preschool Push

I am a regular listener of the Albert Mohler Radio Program. It's a great show for getting a Chistian worldview on the major news stories as well as some stories that don't show up in the major newspapers. Last week he did a show on the problem of manditory preschool and I just wanted to share a little of what I heard because this is a topic that matters a lot to me as a mom and a former preschool teacher in the public schools.

We homeschool our children, but this does not mean we see no value in the public schools, nor does it mean we will never use the schools for our own family. I taught a lot of children who seemed to benefit greatly by being in school because their home life was not so great. I'm not denying that there is a place for public schools in our world. The problem is when politicians look at those very few difficult family and homelife situations and make laws that apply to all of us. There is a big push among many politicians to make school mandatory at age four, possibly even age three. As the mother of a two year old, this really annoys me.

What bugs me is the word "mandatory." In a culture that loves the word "choice," it is frustrating that some people want to take choices away from parents. They want to take our little ones out of our homes and put them in schools in these formative years - for what? So our nation will have higher overall math scores? Really? I'm sorry...I believe in the value of early education, but there is no better learning environment for a three or four year old than at home where she is loved and held and read to and played with. And there is research out there that suggests there is no benefit in this early schooling for long term success anyway. If someone else chooses to send their child to preschool, I think that is great. We actually sent Rachel to preschool two mornings a week when she was three. I have no problem with it as long as the parents made that choice. But we have chosen something else, and that is okay too.

A really big problem with this mandatory preschool push (and Dr. Mohler commented on it as well) is that it sends the message to parents that the government knows best when it comes to children. If you have a problem, look to the government. We have gotten so used to more and more people sending their children away at earlier and earlier ages, that this seems normal. I think that is sad. I used to read a blog called Spunky Homeschool and she had a great article on outsourcing parenthood. She made the point that what used to be normal and expected of moms and dads has been outsourced to the government, primarily through the schools. Mandatory preschool programs seem to be an extension of that.

On a personal note, my daughter will be home with me. Even if there were some law passed at lightening speed before her third of fourth birthday, we will file whatever paper declares her to be a homeschooler...because home is what she needs. She spent the first 11 months of her life in a government institution called an orphanage. We are in no hurry to put her in a different government institution just yet.

Goodbye Dear Blankie

This picture is from 2004...isn't she sweet with that blankie?

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It's a sad night here tonight. Mary Evelyn is going to sleep without her blankie tonight. Why? She left it at Chick-Fil-A. My mother was nice enough to babysit for us today while Jason and I had an appointment and then she took the girls to lunch. True, we had a blankie-stays-on-the-bed rule, but Mary Evelyn must have "forgotten" that rule without us here to remind her. Looks like my girl is learning the hard way that Mom and Dad have reasons for their rules. (There were reasons other than the possibility of losing the blankie, but that's another post.)

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Actually, I am really sad that she lost it because I was thinking of posting a picture of this blankie from 7 years ago when she was a baby and a newer picture. It started out as a beautiful white blanket knit from yarn. It was a special baby gift. Now it looks like a big grayish yarn knot. But my girl loves that blankie and sleeps with it every night. Until tonight.

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I had planned on eventually putting that blankie up somewhere to give her one day. There was no way I was throwing away that blankie. Of course maybe we have made a mistake and we'll find it, but it seems that it's lost. Mom says it's not in her car and the people at Chicki-Fil-A don't know anything about it. I'll call back tomorrow though...just in case. In the meantime, Jason and I are trying to balance compassion and the apparantly teachable moment that is in front of us. (OBEY YOUR PARENTS!) Feels like the end of an era here tonight...I can't believe I miss that ratty blankie.

Another one from when she was almost 4.

And now...Rachel

Well, I couldn't just write a big post about Mary Evelyn and leave out Rachel. Rachel asked to be interviewed like her sister, so today is the day. First I will share a little about this big girl that made me a mother. I do find it hard to paint an accurate picture of who these girls are in just a few paragraphs, but I will try.

Rachel is my dream come true. I always wanted to be a mom, and God answered that desire of my heart with Rachel. She was an answer to prayer then as she is now. I tell her that she was the first baby girl I loved. I remember being shocked that they let us take her home from the hospital...didn't they know we were clueless?! But they did and life has never been the same. Praise God!


Rachel is really easy going and obedient so if I am not careful I can forget that I need to be training her as much as the younger ones. She learns most things very easily but she especially loves anything that lets her be creative. She loves art. Her favorite date with Daddy is visiting the art museum at a local university. She is also quite the artist herself. She could spend all day drawing and making books or writing letters and poems. She passed me in artistic ability a few years ago. I have never been able to draw facial expressions or body positions like she does. Her attention to detail is so fun to see.


One of the greatest joys of the past year has been watching Rachel with Betsie. She adores her little sister. She almost seems like another caregiver. She is so loving and playful with Betsie. She can strap Betsie in the carseat, change a diaper, get her up from a nap, get her dressed or bathed, and so much more...all the while singing and talking to her and teaching her new things. Betsie calls her "Shaysha" and I love seeing their bond grow. Rachel will be a fabulous mother to little ones one day. She'll be an amazing babysitter in a few years too.

One thing I love about my big girl is how she can laugh at herself...what a precious quality. She is not easily offended which makes it fun to be around her. If she sees a funny picture of herself, she is not embarrassed but will be the first to laugh at herself. She is confident without being arrogant.

Now, I am not one of those mothers that think my children are flawless. I just don't plan on posting all their character flaws and imperfections in the internet! There are a number of ways that we want to help Rachel grow over the next several years that she is still at home with us, years that I know will be over WAY too soon. The good news is that she is teachable. She has a desire to obey us and obey God so I think we are very blessed in that way. I praise God for the gift of Rachel. I pray that God will help us now to sow the kind of seeds into her life that will result in a beautiful harvest in the future.


And now...a little about Rachel in her own words.


What are you good at?
Swimming

What is hard for you?
Rollerblading

What do you like about being in our family?
I like getting to go to Mimi's house every Christmas and seeing our cousins

How do you know we love you?
Daddy hugs me when he leaves.

How do you show your family that you love us?
By hugging and kissing and making cards

What do you like most about God?
He is powerful, omnipotent. He gave me a bed. I also like that He gave me a family. (Jen's note: yes, she really said omnipotent. And having an adopted little sister, she knows the sad reality that not every little girl has a bed and a family.)

What is your favorite book?
The Two Princesses of Bamarre

What is your favorite food?
Pasta

What do you want to be when you grow up?
A teacher

What is the most fun part about school?
Going on field trips

What are you afraid of?
Riding a bike down a big hill with no brakes...a mountain to be exact

Where do you like to go?
The beach and the swimming pool

Who are your friends?
Mary, Anna, Jenna, Rachel C., Katherine, and Betsie

What do you love about Mary Evelyn?
I like how smooth her hair is when you brush it.

What do you love about Betsie?
I love her laugh.

What is fun about being the oldest sister?
You get to do more stuff.

What do you like to do with Daddy?
Go roller skating

What do you like to do with Mom?
I like to go to the pool.

My Mary

Where to begin?

Mary Evelyn is one of those children that makes you feel deeply...whatever the emotion. She makes us laugh so hard. Sometimes, I weep over her. She can make me crazy some days, but on a good day, my heart swells with gratitude that she is mine, at least for this season. With Mary Evelyn, there is rarely any middle ground. She loves something...or she hates it. And you can't always guess if something will be loved or hated. Like schoolwork, for instance. Recently, she told me she could just wait until college to learn to read. Then there are days like today when we had FUN doing her reading lesson. What a gift of encouragement God gave me today.

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We are using Reading Made Easy, which is a wonderfully gentle approach to teaching reading. However, Mary Evelyn can get easily bogged down by the amount of reading she is required to do. Even if it's not that much, but just looks like a lot to her, she will take a long time just to get warmed up and get going. There have been many meltdowns over just looking at the page in the book. So...I have broken the lessons into smaller segments. I have covered up the parts she is not reading right that minute to make it less overwhelming to her. I thought I had tried everything. However, recently we got a dry erase board for our school that I am LOVING. I started writing out her reading lessons, one line at a time, on the board. She just reads what is there and we keep going until I can tell it's been too much or until we finish...whichever comes first. The great thing is that we usually finish because she ENJOYS reading this way. Hallelujah! If I could only describe what a blessing this is! Today when we had finished I showed her the manual so she could see how much she had read. Her eyes got huge with surprise that she had read so much. It was fun to tell her how well she had done and that I was proud of her. (insert happy tears)

Mary Evelyn is also my bug lover. I'm not sure if I'd call her a tomboy because she loves her dolls and stuffed animals and wears a dress almost every day. But she loves to be outside and she ADORES creepy crawly things. She can catch most anything too. And she can identify most of the bugs she finds. When she was 2 or 3, she used to sleep with insect field guides. Seriously. Now when we want to reward her, we just hand her a washed out plastic peanut butter jar and she is beaming with joy. I think I might just stuff her stocking with bug jars this year. Just watch...it'll be her favorite present. In fact, family members, if you need a cheap gift for her, that's my suggestion.

Mary Evelyn is also my very compassionate girl and my very thoughtful girl. One morning she decided to make Jason's coffee for him before he got down to the kitchen. She had never done this before but figured it couldn't be that hard. She had seen him do it many times. All she did was put some water in the coffee maker and turn it on. Jason had left the old filter and grounds in the last time he made coffee so she was thrilled when "coffee" came out. She had a cup all poured when he came in the kitchen. I wish you could have seen his face when he drank it! He gave her a quick how-to-actually-do-it-right lesson right then.

There is so much more I could say, but I want to give Mary Evelyn a chance to tell about herself, so I am going to conclude with a little interview. I hope you enjoy it! By the way I asked her these questions after I said she was an animal lover. I think this interview proves that point in a big way.

What are you good at?

catching animals, finding stuff, and I have good eyesight

What is hard to do?

to catch a scorpion

If you had ten dollars, how would you spend it?

spend it on a real live animal

What are you afraid of?

ummm...scorpions, but I still like 'em. I'm just afraid of 'em.

What do you like about our family?

That you let me go on dates with Daddy and catch frogs and turtles and snakes.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm gonna be a bunch of things. Work at Hollywild, work at the zoo, work at the aquarium, work as a veterinarian, and a doctor for people. And a dentist.

What is your favorite thing about God?

He made everything. And that he made animals.

What is your favorite book?

Animal books

What is your favorite food?

Pizza

What is your favorite thing to do?

Go to Furman and catch snakes and frogs and turtles

How do you show your family that you love them?

By serving them when they are sick. I bring you water and set out food for you for when you get up...like apples.

What are you thankful for besides animals?
My family

Where do you like to go?

The beach and Furman and the park

Yep, when she loves something, she REALLY loves it!

A Few Concerns About High School Musical 2

It seems that girls Rachel's age are nuts over High School Musical, including Rachel. She is saving her money for a High School Musical doll. It also seems that girls everywhere are getting all excited about this weekend's premiere of High School Musical 2 on the Disney Channel.

Before I share my concerns, let me say that I liked High School Musical. It was cheesy of course, but there wasn't anything that really upset me in that movie. I'm not crazy about Rachel wanting to own anything with High School Musical all over it. Marketing to kids like that really gets on my nerves...it makes me the bad guy when I have to say that word that nobody seems to know anymore, "no."

Also, before I share my concerns let me share a little of what I want for my girls. I want them to be feminine in the Biblical sense, not in the worldly way. I want them to understand the masculine and feminine roles that God has shown us in His word. I want them to learn to wait on God and trust Him for his provision and His timing. Pretty tall order and something that does not come naturally...for them or their mother. I also want them to care about the boys and men around them and learn how to be beautiful and feminine without being a stumbling block.

That said, here are a few of my concerns from the sequel. First of all it is a summer movie and some of the characters are hanging out and working as lifeguards at the local country club. My guess is this means less than modest attire in many of the scenes. Yes, we swim. I am not anti-swimsuits or anything. But I do try not to put unreal images of beauty in front of my kids if I can help it...or myself for that matter!

Perhaps my bigger concern is the competition for the boy between two girls in this movie. The website says that Sharpay's number one rule is to "get Troy." She seems to do this by offering him opportunities that he otherwise might not have. This puts her and Gabriella in a little competition for Troy. Ick. Maybe the movie won't be so bad, but good grief, this sounds like nothing I want for my daughters. And I know Rachel, she will want to watch it again and again and again.

Because of my "gut feeling" and because my concerns are still there after some time in prayer, I am saying no to High School Musical 2. Or at least, not yet. The movie will still be there later if I find out I am totally wrong, but we can't un-watch it once we have seen it. I keep thinking of things from scripture like be transformed by the renewing of your mind and I will set before my eyes no vile thing and be not conformed to the patterns of this world. Even if this movie is "okay" and my concerns are invalid, will it do anything to draw my child into a closer walk with Christ?

I am not condemning anyone who chooses to watch this movie. We watch more than Veggietales here. Much of it has to do with my own child and her tendencies. I am attempting to explain our seemingly against-the-norm weird choice for our family, and my own blog seemed like the place to do it. Mary Evelyn does not like High School Musical...she says it's too teenagey and we tend to agree. Too teenagey for a 9 and a 7 year old.